Three Stages

Four months. And somehow this one felt like the longest and the shortest month of all.

Most of our calls have three stages, whatever time it may be. Stage 1, full gossip, full energy, dono chap chap chap kar rahe hain. Stage 2, dodo chadar ke andar chala jaata hai, aadha so chuka hota hai, hmm hmm kar raha hota hai. Stage 3, “Koko, 10 minute so jaate hain, phir baat karte hain,” aur phir call pe hi so jaata hai.

So I am writing this letter in three stages.

Stage 1

The month started with Bombay. Finally, I can say our Bombay.

Tera Dadar ka ghar. I still remember there were days when I used to look at that one Uber ride where I had added a stop and dropped you, 2.5 years back. Uber never gave the exact location. Bas itna pata tha, station ke side mein jaana hai. There were days I used to think, chala jaata hoon, dikh jaayegi. And now, from that, to actually staying with you in that house. Wow.

Coming back to Mumbai. Health theek nahi thi itni, phir bhi kitna maza aaya. Subah subah Raju ki chai and Chayoos. Phir Gujarati nashta pack karna, that whole 14 kgs ;_;. Mummy abhi bhi bohot khush hai, still asks khatam toh nahi hua. In fact, abhi pata chala ki Tanisha ke haath koi new aunty ke thepla bheje hain, bola hai khao aur batana kaise hain, pehli waali se better hain toh yeh le jaana USA uske liye.

Oops, coming back again. So many small “little things”: Catan mein jeeta, cutu finally mujhse jeet gaya. Yazu again, hehe. Saari nostalgia wapas aa gayi. Tere saath salon jaana, that was actually on my checklist - ki bandi (oops), wifey ke saath salon mein bore hona. I still get flashbacks of the moment when we started dividing photos.

This time thoda bahut se zyada rona bhi hua, both of us. Par I cherish those moments. I feel lucky that I have someone who matters enough to cry over, someone I can fall apart in front of without thinking twice. Phir wo complain karte rahe ki choti choti baat pe gussa ho jaata hai tu, ya Koko, you just complain a lot.

The airport bye was genuinely very difficult. But the first photo from London made me feel better.

And then New York, aur wo confusion - “kaunse time zone mein wish karein? Good night, sleep tight apne apne time pe bole? Kaise karein?” (Sab kuch theek hai, par emoji na bhejna, that is not theek, baby, hehe.) Do time zones ka ek fayda hai - char baar happy 11:11, do baar happy dailyversary wish kar sakte hain.

Stage 2

Ab chadar ke andar aa ja, I’ll try to speak less. (Try, hah.)

A lot of things happened last month. A lot of ups and downs and a lot of change. Honestly, this was the month where we had three small fights (bohot zyada hai, next month this should be 0). Kabhi timezone ki wajah se, kabhi main party jaata hoon toh ladai ho jaati hai, kabhi thakan ki wajah se, aur mostly bina kisi wajah ke. Just two cutu emotional people. (Slipping in hanging up the phone on me, fresh in mind, so mind thoda - joking, joking, Dodo mere Dodo idhar aana Dodo cutu Dodo.) But ladai ho bhi gayi toh our quick resolution mode worked well. (Last month toh ending ke kuch hours tak use kar liya humne wo mode.) “Solution first mindset,” you know.

Office khatam karke tujhe uthana - that is genuinely one of the best parts of my day. Wo raat ke 4 baje ka call, “main ghar aa gaya hoon, tu so ja Koko.” Dodo, after that call I get the best sleep a person could ask for.

Tu har photo bhejti hai. Sab kuch bhejti hai, har chhoti cheez (major improvement). Main kabhi bolta nahi, par I notice it, and I appreciate it. Jaisa maine kaha, love, or whatever you want to call it (because love doesn’t cut it), doesn’t settle. It keeps growing, exponentially, day on day. There are still days when I get butterflies in my stomach, that too just over a small “hello” or “kithe.”

Lastly, in this section I wanted to bring up tera cooking trauma, hahaha. I wish I could cook for you in New York. Par sach bataun, mujhe bhi aalas aata hai. October mein jab aaunga, half-half karenge. (I know flow toot gaya, par konsa pehle waale letters flow mein the - but this was important before you move to stage 3 and sleep.)

Stage 3

This month was full of firsts:

First time you flew to the US. First time you went to college (for real wala, hehe). First time you went to the US Open. First time you slept on a call with me. First time we had an online date. First time we had a small fight where dono roye, aur ek ghante baad dono pagalon ki tarah has rahe the. First time you broke a promise you made me. First time you picked up an American accent. And not to forget, first time we did that thattt which I don’t wanna mention here.

And yes, first time I booked tickets to New York (and didn’t faint after a blood test). October mein main aa raha hoon. That is for next month’s letter though. For now, the countdown has begun, cutu.

And yes: I just read somewhere, if you think I say “I love you” too much, imagine how often I think it. For every single time I have said it, I have thought it a thousand times more. If I said it every time it crossed my mind, I would never stop talking. This stayed with me.

And I know that on stage 2 and stage 3 you want me to quieten down, so I do. But going quiet does not mean the thinking stops. It keeps running all night, across time zones, while you are fast asleep.

A month ago I thought I had already loved you as much as I was capable of loving anyone. This month proved me wrong. Because this month we fought, we cried, we stayed far - in fact 7 samudra door - apart, we called each other half asleep, and still, at the end of every single night, I wanted you more than I did the night before.

I can love you from further away than this. I can get through worse days than these. Bas tu us call ke doosri taraf rehna, aadhi soyi hui, chadar ke andar, hmm hmm karti hui. (Bas aisa na lage interested nahi hai, then I’ll hang up - smart joke plugin, waah dodo.)

No matter how many times we complain, misunderstand each other, or go through difficult moments - pareshan ho gayi hoon moments - we somehow always find our way back. We do not have everything figured out, and things are not perfect all the time. But the love and the care between us never fully disappears. After every argument, we end up talking again, laughing again, becoming us again. I think that is the most beautiful part of what we have. And honestly, I hope and know we’ll never stop finding our way back.

Happy 4 Month Anniversary, Dodo. Miss you a lot on the 6th. A tight hug.

— Tera Koko 🤍