Tu Meri Hai, Main Tera

Dodo,

90 days. Three months. And I still wake up some days and it feels unreal that you are mine.

The 6th will always be our date. That night we were flying out of Bangalore together, same flight. Today I am writing this while you pack your bags for New York. So much has changed since then, and still the most important thing did not change at all. Tu meri hai, main tera, hamesha.

Is mahine humne wo kar diya jo hum kabse bol rahe the. HUMARA TRIP, DODO. After 2.5 years. List abhi bhi lambi hai - Mulki, Kerala, East India, Europe, Srinagar, sab pending, sab karenge. Pondicherry has a small place in my heart now. Wo paani mein khelna, wo dar jaana, couple wali photo lena. Wo 6 ghante wala bada mandir, ant mein drinks, driver ki aisi taisi karna, chappal kho jaana - lucky hota hai na?

Then came the hard part. 20 days of long distance, the longest we’ve been apart since the two-year break. When you were leaving, only one thing kept running in my head - that you are going, and I am going to miss you. This time there were more tears than usual. I miss you daily. Roz video call pe jokes, cutu se baatein, ‘gussa toh nahi hua? gussa ho gaya, gussa ho gaya.’ ‘Idhar aa, idhar aa,’ karke kissi dena, daant na. Sab kuch saved hai mere andar, kahin safe jagah pe. I am forever grateful for everything. Thank you for being there in the highs and the lows - pampering me, then gussa hoing on me in between (honestly, good technique - apna tension bhool jaata hoon, phir cutu).

Subah good morning se shuru, raat good night sleep tight - now with 5 emojis, 1 reel and a ‘good night luv u’ voice note - pe khatam. Haan, kabhi kabhi tu bhool jaata hai, par theek hai. Jab bhi 2 minute milte hain, bas yahi lagta hai, abhi text karta hoon, abhi baat karta hoon. FaceTime pe ‘clear nahi aa raha,’ ‘powerbank charge karle,’ ‘battery low,’ ‘mummy aa gayi brb,’ ‘missi missi yaara,’ ‘chotu, motu,’ ‘cutu,’ ‘oye,’ ‘Shona,’ ‘Sona’ - aur obviously ‘phone chala lu hahah.’ Nok-jhok chalti rahegi. (But quick resolution.) Main soch raha, sudhar jaun ya aisa hi rahoon?

What I miss the most: (spoiler - not you, but-)

1. Subah ka wake-up huggy. “Utth na! Wake up! Huggy!” Tere huggy bahut miss karta hoon.
2. Small small kissi.
3. Tickle attack.
4. Tere baal kheenchna - knowingly or unknowingly.
5. Tumko pareshan karna, sabse zyada yeh.

And yes, from the emotional me - your presence, Dodo. Eating every meal together. Coming home and finding you there. Late-night ice cream. Going out even when we were scared to. It’s the small things that hit the hardest, the ones no photo captured. Turning to tell you something and remembering you’re not beside me. I miss all of it. I miss you. Also, the spoiler was a lie. It was always you. (Safety first.)

And now, New York. First of all, I am so proud of you. I know the time zones will make this month bumpy, but bumpy is fine - we will solve everything quickly, the way we always do. (Bas ek baar residual reh gaya tha, ek din tak.) Aur haan, wahi papa-mummy wali baatein jo tujhe sunni padegi: apna dhyan rakhna. Khana time pe khana. Gussa kam karna. Zyada masti nahi karni hai. 5 minutes nikal lena. Kuch bhi ho, kaisa bhi ho, kitna bhi bada ho - main hoon, bas ek call door. (Text nahi karna, bas ‘up?’ - aur bas ek 24-hour flight door.)

For tomorrow: first we will meet, and I will hug you so tight that it lasts October. Then October, then December again. And on all the days in between, we will find each other at 11:11, on blurry FaceTimes, in good-morning texts crossing oceans.

Chirping karte rehna, Dodo. Meri chirpy hi rehna. Darling, it’s you and forever.

Happy 3 Month Anniversary, Dodo darling! Three months down, forever to go.

— Tera Koko